


Impossible (or Building up and bringing down)

by Agin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Bad Puns, First Kiss, Flirting, Hand Job, M/M, Passion, Secret Crush, Sex, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:16:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agin/pseuds/Agin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Irritating… Cocky… Terribly Irritating… Teasing bastard…<br/>Those are words Kaidan would never use to describe Shepard – in public. But inwardly it’s another story.</p>
<p>After returning to the Normandy and attending to a few missions, Kaidan comes in for a completely unexpected situation and simultaneously has to deal with the particular Commander who has been in his mind since the first time they met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossible (or Building up and bringing down)

**Author's Note:**

> When this idea came to my mind, I was fairly sure that I’d never write it down.  
> When I started writing, I was fairly sure that the story would be a short one. One thousand words. At most.  
> When I continued writing, I was fairly sure that I’d never post the text.  
> When I started to be fairly sure about some other things, I just ignored it.
> 
> General situation:  
> This story takes place at ME3 but doesn’t follow the storyline in particular. Kaidan’s back on the Normandy but hasn’t confessed his feelings yet. Neither has Shepard.
> 
> (I’ve no beta – so, sorry for the possible mistakes.)
> 
> I hope, you’ll enjoy reading.  
> 

This has to be a bad joke. An awfully bad joke.

The whole situation is simply… impossible.

In his life Kaidan has faced many dangers, uncommon situations and challenging encounters. And he’d dealt with all of them. He hasn’t been on the winning side exclusively. Of course. He’s only human after all. More fragile than he’d admit openly.  
But whilst struggling now and then, he always managed to rebound.

There had been a time when Kaidan was painfully convinced of his alleged inability to ever do the right thing. He had mistrusted his judgment and temper and forced himself to restrain every unbridled impulse, to rely on rules and alliance standard. By now, he has grown much more confident and self-aware in a healthier way. He knows his capabilities and can use them very efficiently.  
His stellar career is not a coincidence.

Given that facts, he’s been pretty sure to not be ever surprised again by anything life may throw at him.

He has been wrong. Terribly wrong.

Some time ago…  
…they – which means Shepard, Liara and him – went down onto an icy moon to follow a civilian distress call. It may be war and there may be other important missions waiting to be accomplished. But Shepard is Shepard. Sometimes irritating… mostly… if you’d ask Kaidan, but he’d be there when help is needed. Never hiding, always taking responsibility.  
That’s why Kaidan came back to the Normandy.  
 _That and your stupid little crush_ , his mind is eager to point out persistently. And Kaidan would keep on ignoring it, not less persistently.

When they found the source of the call, two things revealed itself very quickly:  
Being trapped in an ice storm isn’t fun.  
Being trapped in an ice storm surrounded by a family which members are incessantly arguing and shouting and bitching isn’t fun at all.

Said family is responsible for activating the call. Or more precisely the youngest ʼchildʽ – a man at the age of more or less twenty - who just wanted to “give it a try”.  
Shepard didn’t shout at him. He doesn’t need to raise his voice to be intimidating.  
The rest of the family _did_ shout, not intimidating at all but therefor unnerving. The distress call pretty fast fell into oblivion, other points of contention coming up and mingling into something far more dangerous and destructive.

Leaving the families’ house – or rather bunker – immediately would have been desirable. _Is_ desirable. But given the weather they are trapped.

So Shepard and Kaidan decided to apply themselves to a task the mother _mentioned_ while insulting her husband. Liara, on the other hand, bravely decided to stay in the living room, her face displaying some kind of silent fascination.

And that’s why Kaidan finds himself alone with Shepard in the goddamn bedroom with a goddamn huge bed – Kaidan may not be the one to curse casually but at that special occasion it’s more than suitable – and is buried beneath a bunch of boards and beams and planks which are meant to fit together to build a closet with rather giant scales. Kaidan actually needs to use his biotics to keep the whole structure stable while Shepard handles a hammer and a lot of nails, adjusting and fixing just right. He is surprisingly good at that kind of work. Or at least pretends to be.  
The final product will show the truth.

Now and then Shepard tells him to lower a board and to lift it again and lower it just a tiny bit, a little bit higher and to the right, no left and… Kaidan obliges, fighting down the urge to simply _smack_ the other man with his biotics. But controlling every single part of the closet is hard enough. And, furthermore, he’d never actually punch Shepard. Would he?

“Major?”

“What?!” Kaidan tries for impassive but ends on belligerent, the mischievous gleam deep inside Shepard’s eyes adding to his currently fragile temper.  
Likewise, it’s that sparkle which pushes Kaidan towards a reaction he’s struggling against.  
A reaction he is always fighting. In vain. But still… It’s impossible to give in entirely.

He may be attracted to Shepard.

Shepard may keep trying to flirt with him. From time to time. Over and over.

But… Shepard flirts with just anyone. Even with Garrus. _Especially_ with Garrus.  
Kaidan wouldn’t dare to ask him but he suspects…

“The board to my left, Alenko. Lift it just a tiny bit. Again. Okay. Stop! Yeah. Just like that. You’re pretty skilful, Major.” Shepard winks and Kaidan clears his throat.

“I was just wondering…”

“Lower it again. Would you?”

“…you and Garrus. Do you have a… sexual intercourse?”  
Huh, obviously he _does_ dare to ask Shepard.  
With an awkward, stiff choice of words, far from being cool. Without any proper prelude. In an inappropriate situation – they weren’t just discussing intimate details, were they?

Shepard laughs, the skin near his eyes crinkling, making his already handsome face even more appealing. “We fucked one time.” He’s anything but embarrassed.

Kaidan on the other hand wishes nothing more than to melt into the ground and vanish completely.  
“Uh huh…”

“I was curious,” Shepard explains. “Have never done it with a turian before.”

“And… what was it like?” Kaidan forces himself to carry on the talk. He _did_ ask. So he should deal with actually getting an answer.

_… by asking another terribly intimate question? Yeah… Dammit._

Shepard carries on working while he thoughtfully furrows his brows and bites his lower lip – the latter an involuntary tell which definitively doesn’t send a sting of jealousy through Kaidan’s chest.  
Definitively not.

“He is Garrus,” Shepard eventually says. “He always knows what he does. And he does it good.”

“It _was_ good,” he adds.

“Even if I prefer humans,” he adds

“Human men,” he adds.

“Preferably those with dark hair, whiskey-brown eyes and a delicious throaty voice,” he adds  
and continues working. Impassive all over.

Whereas Kaidan feels a burst of sudden, overwhelming absurdity building in his belly and rising up.  
He ends up giggling helplessly.

Shepard throws him a glance. “Something amusing, Major?”

Kaidan can’t stop giggling. He just… can’t.

Then Shepard is unexpectedly right behind him, clearly in his personal space, hammer and nails at hand. Certainly he’s going to fix the boards near Kaidan. That figures.  
What else…  
Suddenly Kaidan is very aware of his lack of armor. They have dressed down to their undergarments when they started working. Their bodies still entirely covered by the black fabric. By the terribly form fitting fabric…

Kaidan feels naked.

He has been at that state of exposure so many times before. In the shuttle bay of the Normandy, before and after every mission. It’s neither spectacular nor unusual. But now everything feels different. The whole situation is… Kaidan could name a lot of pertinent verbs and remarks if his entire attention wouldn’t be occupied by trying to hide a shiver of arousal.

Of course it didn’t slip his attention how good the Commander looks like that, his well-formed body wrapped in the black clothing. How luscious. To be honest – Kaidan noticed it way back in the shuttle bay, barely able to hide his drooling.  
It’s all taunt muscles and relaxed movement. Strength and danger lurking beneath.  
A predators air all along.

“You seem to be pretty distracted, Major.”

Kaidan doesn’t flinch. “No. It’s just. Everything’s perfect, Commander,” he manages.

At that very moment, a loud voice gets through to them.  
“I HATE you!”  
Something shatters on the other side of the wall and the boards of the prospective closet creak as if answering.

Shepard laughs, dark and rumbling, his breath grazing Kaidan’s neck. Hot and tingling.  
“That’s an interesting way to put it.” He reaches around Kaidan’s left arm, not quite touching him but albeit so very near.  
“Bend your head to the right,” Shepard says, seemingly unaffected by the physical closeness and oblivious to Kaidan’s increasing discomfort.  
He puts a nail against the wood.  
“Would be a shame to accidentally smash your face.”

“I trust your aiming skills,” Kaidan replies, but yet bending his head as told.

“I could be aiming for you.” With two precise hammer blows Shepard beats the nail into the wood.

_Just casual banter_ , Kaidan reminds himself, fighting against the urge to say: _I’m sure, you’d hit just the right spots_.  
He reminds himself, that Shepard does the bantering thing all the time, with almost every crew member. And Kaidan won’t participate in this game, all too well aware of his secret desires. If he’d start flirting with his Commander, the observant man would inevitably realize that Kaidan wants more than just talk.  
 _“We fucked one time.” “I was curious.”_ The sentences reverberate in Kaidans mind.  
“You should fix the other side, too,” he eventually says, nodding to his right.

There’s a little sigh from Shepard, but he follows Kaidan’s suggestion, pulling back for just a second and then leaning in again. “Head to your left.”

This time it takes more than two blows. Much more.  
“That’s a particular stubborn one,” Shepard says in a suddenly grumpy voice.  
But his mood smooth’s likewise fast. He pulls back again, strolling towards another part which needs to be fixed.  
“You know… I kinda like that. This whole situation.”

Kaidan scowls. “Building up a closet in the home of a quarreled family? Yeah, that sounds… comforting.”

“It’s fucking annoying.” Shepard laughs despite his own words. “But simultaneously it’s so incredibly _normal_.”

“You think a family poisoned like that is normal?”

“Don’t know.” Shepard shrugs. “I’m not exactly familiar with… families.”

Instantly Kaidan feels like punching himself, suddenly aware of the fact that Shepard has spent his childhood on the streets, an orphan without any relatives, completely on his own.  
“Shit, Shepard, I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t do that,” he is interrupted.

“What?”

“Don’t get all sentimental with me.”

And Kaidan swallows down every waiting word, pressing his lips into a thin line.

..

They continue working without speaking for a time, the uneasy silence only interrupted, when the door to the bedroom squishes open.  
Kaidan can’t see the person coming in but recognizes the gentle voice of the youngest daughter.

“I made you some tea.” It almost sounds like a question.

Shepard thanks her, the smile clearly audible. When he calls her an angel and surely makes her blushing, Kaidan can’t help himself to feel a sting of jealousy.  
He doesn’t thank her, hiding behind the fact that he can’t face her without crushing the entire structure of the not-yet-closet.

“Lovely girl,” Shepard states when she has left. “Hard to believe that she belongs to that family.”

“Isn’t she a little bit too young for you?” Kaidan snaps involuntarily.

“She is of legal age.”

“Did she say that?” He hears Shepard approaching and then _feels_ him, feels strokes of breath and subtle heat.  
“It’s immaterial. I’m not interested in her,” Shepard gets straight. He reaches around Kaidan, a cup of tea in his hand.  
“Open up.”  
With that the rim touches Kaidan’s bottom lip and he obeys. Warm liquid hits his tongue with a hint of sourness and flows down his throat. He swallows more fiercely than necessary but can’t do otherwise. His heart is racing and his cock inevitably filling and growing harder.  
The previous anger and frustration not forgotten but buried.

When the cup is empty, Shepard pulls it back, his thumb catching a lonely drip on the biotic’s chin.

“Thanks,” Kaidan gasps out, not quite in control of his breath or voice.

Shepard chuckles deeply. “You’re welcome, Major.” He’s still in Kaidan’s personal space, not intending to back off.  
If he’d look down, he’d see…

_No._

Determined Kaidan shoves away that thought and the aching want which is boiling in his groin and, generally, in his whole body. He is used to control himself. Has done it so many times before. And will do it now.

“So, what about finishing the closet?” he suggests and is pleased with his voice. There is no trembling at all.

“Hum.” Shepard puts the cup away, finally retreating.

“Perhaps I should point to the fact that I’ve been holding the piece parts in place since we started this…”

“Yeah… You’re getting tired already?”

Kaidan huffs, refuses to answer that question. “Tell me again, Shepard. Why didn’t we start with a little part and carried on from there?”

“I like to see the whole thing.”

Shepard does something Kaidan can’t see without turning. Then he’s back with the hammer and some nails.  
“And maybe,” he adds, a cheeky grin playing around his lips. “Maybe I really enjoy the sight. You… restricted and stretched out like that.”

Kaidan chokes.

Blinks.

Concentrates on breathing.

Eventually speaks.

“That’s an awful pun, Shepard.”  
Over his shoulder he warily watches the other man coming closer and is embarrassingly relieved, when he only points to some boards in Kaidan’s hold.

“Those don’t seem to be in the right angle, don’t they?”

Some awkward twisting and turning and fumbling follows, Shepard assisting and with that definitively not helping because… _what the fuck._ Kaidan curses inwardly and then he finds himself in a rather delicate position. He is facing the room now and with it Shepard, his back bend backwards, only kept up by a painfully hard, edged plank, legs parted and his hips inescapably pushed forward.

The Commander chuckles. “That’s even better, don’t you think?” With one determined step he is right back in Kaidan’s personal space, one leg between the biotic’s.

“Shepard…” Kaidan tries but is shushed almost immediately.

“Keep still. I’ve to fix this.” The Commander leans forward, his upper leg pressing against Kaidan’s groin. There is no way that Shepard doesn’t notice the bulge. But instead of pulling back he stretches and moves as if to find the right stance and relentlessly rubs his leg against Kaidan’s hard-on.

“Now, where were we?” Shepard asks casually, his eyes focused on the closet, body shifting again and suddenly Kaidan feels something very hard pressing against his own hipbone. A groan rises in his throat and inevitably makes its way out.  
It’s increasingly difficult to maintain control over his biotics. Kaidan tries to concentrate on that. Nothing else.

“Bad puns, right?” Shepard continues and he sounds terribly impassive. Again.  
“What about…” His hips make a rolling motion.  
“What about: Do you enjoy watching me handling my hammer? Or: I really like thrusting those nails deep inside their holes. Or, while you drank your tea: You’re such a good boy swallowing it all. Well… That’s more suggestive than a pun, don’t you think?”  
Shepard leans down till his mouth is near Kaidan’s ear. “Lick it dry and then let me kiss you. I want to taste the flavor on your tongue.”  
He bites Kaidan’s earlobe. “I’d really love to bend you over and fuck you senseless.”

Kaidan can’t stifle a helpless laugh which is accompanied with a throaty groan. “The last one is neither a pun nor suggestive,” he manages.

“Nope. The last one is an unveiled fact.” Shepard lowers his right hand, the hammer gone and reaches between Kaidan’s legs. He _squeezes_.

“Fuck!”

Somewhere on the right side some planks and boards are clattering, falling to the ground. The whole structure of the closet sways critically.

“Careful, Major.” Shepard flicks open the buttons of his fly and shoves his hand in. “Wouldn’t want you to lose control.”

“You’re too… Nghh! Shepard…!”

“Yes, Kaidan?”

_We can’t do that. Please stop touching me. That’s highly unprofessional._  
You fucked Garrus.  
I don’t want to be the next one who simply satisfies your curiosity.  
The words linger on Kaidan’s tongue but he can’t voice them. Just… can’t.  
“Someone could come in,” is what he finally says, voice breathless and dark.

Shepard gives him some long, tantalizing slow strokes, twisting and pushing on the head and easing down.  
“Then you should come before they do.” He actually _giggles_ and continues massaging Kaidan’s cock.

“We’ve some work to do, Commander.”

“Yeah. I’m on it, Major.”

Shepard continues and proves to be very skillful. In no time Kaidan is on the edge. Faster than he’d ever imagined. The moans and groans and _whimpers_ which slip his lips in an unstoppable cascade are mingling to the utter sound of pure desire. He is lost in Shepard’s touch, overwhelmed by _years_ of secret longing and dreaming and fantasizing. Pent-up passion forges ahead.

He is so near. So very near. “Shepard!” he whines, torn between holding the pieces of wood in place and giving up control completely.

Then he just doesn’t care anymore. He is sparkling with need. Shaking and trembling. He...

That’s the moment in which Shepard withdraws his hand. Suddenly and determined. Locking eyes with Kaidan. His expression is serious.  
For about one or two seconds. Then he starts grinning. Cocky and challenging.

“You’re right, Major,” he rasps. “We’ve some work to do. Shouldn’t turn our backs on that, don’t you think?” He actually retrieves the hammer from somewhere above and Kaidan _groans_.

“You’re fucking killing me!”

“Oh, that would be a shame. You’re quite… capable. Lot of things I could need your assistance with.”

Shepard has withdrawn his leg as well. He goes back to work as if nothing had happened. As if Kaidan’s exposed cock wouldn’t still be hard and red and dripping precum. Kaidan tries to will it down. Now, that Shepard doesn’t cover him anymore he is exposed in an utterly new way.  
It’s kind of filthy.  
The thought of someone coming in and seeing him like _that_ should wash his arousal away. Likewise the lingering shame and anger of responding so obviously to Shepard’s actions.  
But no such thing happens.

Finally Kaidan pulls and pushes the ridiculous large blanket of the ridiculous large bed with his biotics, nearly shaking with exertion because it’s far from easy to control so many different things at once, and hangs it in front of the door. Creates a visual cover.

Shepard rises his left brow and crooks his lips into a teasing smile. “Preparing the bed, Alenko?”

“ _God._ By all gods and goddesses of the entire universe… I swear you, when I can finally move again…”  
Kaidan growls, his eyes sending daggers towards Shepard.

He is rewarded with another teasing grin.

“Looking forward to it, Major.”

..

While the work progresses, Shepard would ʽaccidentallyʼ brush against Kaidan now and then, causing his erection to stay painfully hard and aching. Kaidan bites back his moans, tries to paint colorful pictures in his mind of ways to punish the Commander and finds himself fantasizing _interesting_ situations which don’t prove to be suitable to relieve his arousal. Not anywhere near.

Eventually the one thing he had been afraid of happens. The door hisses open and Kaidan’s breath catches in his throat.

“Commander?” It’s Liara, sounding slightly confused.

Kaidan’s eyes fly forth and back between his crotch and the still unmoved blanket. He concentrates on building up a biotic field behind the improvised visual cover. Putting it up all the way round would make it visible from the doorway. So…no.

Shepard – _don’t wonna be rude… but… goddamn son of a bitch!_ – winks at Kaidan, definitively amused and asks: “What is it?”

“The ice storm has subsided. We can return to the Normandy now.”

Fortunately Liara doesn’t even try to come inside. Kaidan refuses to wonder what she might be thinking. Suspecting.

_Shit!_

“Yeah. Okay. We’ll be with you in…” Shepard stops, purses his lips and thoughtfully glances at the closet – first – and Kaidan – second. “…ten. Maximum fifteen. We’ve got to fix some things first in here.”

“Alright, Commander.” Liara leaves and the door closes again.

Kaidan doesn’t bother to hide his gasp of relief, mixed with embarrassingly urgent anticipation. He fully expects Shepard to finally get him off, to end this admittedly arousing game.

But the Commander simply gives him a look. “Time to cool down, Major. You’ve fifteen minutes to make your ʽstatementʼ fit its ʽconstraintsʼ.”

Kaidan bites his lower lip, creasing his face. It’s surprisingly difficult to eventually force out the words which are waiting on the very tip of his tongue.  
He clears his throat.  
“You could help me with it.”

“I could.”

“And…?”

“No.”

“Shepard?”

“That’s my name. I really like the way it sounds wrapped in your husky voice.”  
The Commander continues working on the closet and completely ignores Kaidan’s stare.

“If you don’t come over here, _instantly_ …” Kaidan doesn’t finish his sentence. Sometimes threats are more effective when remaining unvoiced.  
But… mostly… addressing Shepard, threats are completely ineffective.

At least – or unfortunately – he has stopped touching Kaidan at all.

..

Shepard succeeds in finishing the closet in exactly fourteen minutes.

Short while afterwards they are on their way back to the Normandy, mind still full of the rebukes about the things they could have done better while building the closet. Kaidan nearly admires Shepard for not losing it. Nearly. But he is still inwardly boiling with much too many emotions, a mixture which definitively contains anger. Frustration. Fear. And unresolved sexual tension.  
His hard-on has barely subsided and presses insistently against his armor. Kaidan tries very hard to not squirm and to ignore the not-so-secret glances and smirks Shepard throws his way.

..

Arriving in the shuttle bay Kaidan does his best to prevent any sight at his front while taking off the constricting armor. He’d preferred to do it in private but that would be all too suspicious.  
For just a moment he wonders about Shepard’s state. Then said man is suddenly standing behind him.

“Showing off your perfect ass, Alenko?” he _rumbles_ into the biotic’s ear and Kaidan _definitively_ doesn’t jump.

He stows his armor without turning and finally makes a beeline for the elevator.

“You’re in a hurry, Major?” Of course Shepard wouldn’t let him leave so easily.

“Gonna need a shower,” Kaidan mumbles or, more precisely, grumbles.  
When he steps inside the elevator, he hears Vega’s teasing voice.

“It’s been a hard mission, eh?”

_Perfect choice of words. Just… perfect._

Shepard barks out a very loud laugh and Kaidan all but flees.

..

He is good at restraining himself. Very good.

But – obviously – not good enough, if he takes his current whereabout as a hint…  
Standing in the Commander’s downright decadent cabin Kaidan listens to the sound of running water.

Shepard is taking a shower _and_ he is taking his time.  
It’s absolutely impossible not to imagine the man’s naked body, water dripping from his parted lips, grazing velvet skin and toned muscles, followed by the lingering touch of strong, capable hands…  
Kaidan closes his eyes.

_What am I doing here?_

The question is insistent but likewise senseless. He knows the answer. Knows it all too well. Feels it in his lips and his hands, his legs, his groin, his entire body.  
And it’s not only his desire it’s… _No._ Kaidan shakes his head. _Not gonna go there._

Eventually the shower stops.

And Kaidan’s heart, which had beat with a force made to tear his chest open, stumbles.

“Wait here,” the Commander had said, a filthy promise in his voice and his eyes and the curl of his lips. For one moment it had seemed as if Shepard would kiss him and Kaidan had flinched, straightened his shoulders, instinctively built a wall. Sex is one thing. A kiss… It’s much more intimate.  
Kaidan can’t deny that he’d dreamt of kissing Shepard. As he had dreamt of blowing his cock and fucking him and being fucked. Same as and simultaneously so very different.  
He’d love to kiss Shepard. But he just can’t do it. The Commander only flirts and fucks and… is _curious_.

So Kaidan had balked at that and Shepard hadn’t pushed. “Wait here,” he said and Kaidan waited.

Some more terrifying minutes pass on before the door to the captain’s bathroom finally opens. Shepard comes out. He…

_Oh my… What… Shit!_

… is completely naked. No shirt, no briefs, no towel. Nothing but pure skin.

Kaidan swallows. He feels his own lips part, his fingers flex. Desperate to _touch_. His body tingles and for the blink of an eye he threatens to lose his balance, knees quivering, head spinning and his blood rushing down, filling his cock completely in a breath-taking speed. The erection nearly bursting its constraints. Twitching. _Aching._

Shepard searches Kaidan’s eyes, traps him in a piercing look which, without a break, turns wanton. His voice, however, is quite contrary, hardly interested. “Do you need a hand, Major?” He turns to his desk, seemingly oblivious of the suggestiveness of his question and moreover not eager to spend time with Kaidan.

The Commander tries to provoke. Has done it the entire day. And – who could deny it – has clearly succeeded.

When Shepard bows down over his desk as if searching for…whatever, raising his round, tight, luscious buttocks, Kaidan snaps.  
He leaps at this teasing body, one hand firmly at the back of Shepard’s neck, pushing him down onto the table, the other hand fiddling with his own trousers. He pull his cock out, presses the hard length against the naked flesh before him. The touch burns with heat and desire and runs through his whole body, wrenching a desperate groan from him which reverberates from the ceiling and every wall and drowns him in overwhelming lust.

Absently he hears Shepard moan beneath him, feels him writhing. He withdraws his hand from the man’s neck, replaces it with a small string of his biotics to hold him down and grabs Shepard’s hips with barely constrained force.  
Kaidan shoves his cock between twitching buttocks, reveling in the marvelous pressure. It is tempting to simply push inside, to stretch the man around his cock and fuck him deep and hard.

He won’t do it, of course.  
Kaidan may be shaking with desire and a bunch of other emotions but he’d never deliberately hurt Shepard.

Nevertheless he pushes the head of his cock against the Commanders entrance and exerts just the tiniest bit of pressure. Shepard whimpers and reaches for Kaidan’s thighs, digs his fingers into hard muscles and resistant fabric.  
Kaidan hasn’t pulled off his clothes so far, just undone his trousers. And he doesn’t intend to undress now.  
He bats away Shepard’s hands and pins them, with his biotics, to the desk as well.

“Kaidan!” Shepard gasps. He lifts his arse as far as possible within the restraints and pushes back, impales himself. In that very moment, when Kaidan’s cock breaches the resistance and slides _inside_ , he realizes…

_Oh…_

_Oh!_

Shepard is loose and slick. Already prepared.  
He must have done it in the shower. The mere thought of the man, soaked with water, fingers buried between his own buttocks, pushing deep inside, scissoring, making himself ready to be fucked, coaxes an urgent moan out of Kaidan.

“Please!” Shepard is trembling beneath him, completely bare of composure and cocky teasing.  
 _“Please!”_

Kaidan stares at his cock, pulls apart Shepard’s buttocks to see the spot where he penetrates him, the head completely buried.

“Kaidan…” Shepard croaks. “What are you waiting for?” His speech is slurring, one word flowing into the other. Briefly he struggles to get free – but stands no chance. Realizing – _feeling_ \- this only seems to increase his arousal.

For just a moment Kaidan wallows in the sight of Commander Shepard quivering and begging and nearly _sobbing_ with need.

“Maybe I’m just enjoying to see you stretched out and restrained like that,” he growls in remembrance of Shepard’s earlier words, his voice raspy and _dark_. Then, without warning, he thrust all the way in.

Shepard cries out. And Kaidan does as well.

He pulls out almost entirely, stops for one deep breath and pushes back in. Slowly this time, eyes set on his vanishing cock.  
Shepard’s hot walls cling to him, squeezing and dragging him deeper.  
Kaidan bows down and strokes Shepard’s head with both hands, feels the tingling of the man’s short hear under his palms. He slides to his neck, through the buzzing of his own biotics, runs over the muscular back, following the vulnerable spine with his fingers and stops at the man’s hips.  
Strengthening his grip he pulls out again and, without pausing, thrust back inside Shepard, skin hitting skin with a loud smack. Pulling out and thrusting back in. Pulling out…

Kaidan sets a relentless pace. Holds Shepard steady with his arms and his biotics and just fucks him as hard as his body can bear.

He feels himself flying towards his orgasm but manages to hold back.  
Sweat is soaking his clothes and beading on his forehead. His voice becomes raspier with every thrust, every moan and he knows, he has never been _that_ loud before. But he doesn’t care at all. It feels _so good_ to let go of any constraint.

Shepard is trembling and cursing beneath him. Tries to squirm and writhe despite the nearly invisible shackles as if his body would desperately _need_ to move. He is begging but by now his words are completely unintelligible.  
Kaidan still knows what the man is begging for. And he’ll give it to him.  
But not for the moment.  
Not as long as he can keep on thrusting and fucking like that.

Shepard gasps, chokes on a whimpering sob, clearly on the edge but not able to finally get off. Clearly on the edge since… a long time.

Kaidan throws his head back, bites his lips till he tastes blood. His toes are prickling and his fingertips as well. He pushes inside, feels the hot pressure. The aching pressure in his groin. Nearly unbearable. He… just… can’t…

_Ah… Fuck!_

Kaidan bows down, reaches around Shepard and clasps his cock, barely performs one stroke till the other man cries out, convulses and spills his semen onto Kaidan’s hand and the table and doesn’t stop to tremble and moan and gasp helplessly.

It’s too much.

The pent-up emotions. The teasing. The constant arousal. Shepard’s body beneath him. The sudden tightness around his cock. The convulsing. The built-up pressure. Shepard’s sounds.  
Shepard _coming_ because of _him_.  
Kaidan’s vision blurs. He spasms. Blood roaring in his ears. And then everything goes white. Seems distant and pierces through him at the same moment. He floats in a sea of utter pleasure and ache and desire and salvation. Drowns and breathes. Cries with passion. And eventually white turns black.

When Kaidan comes round again, he finds himself embraced by Shepard’s arms. Sitting on the desk between the other man’s legs. He flinches, startled and tries to get up, step back. But Shepard simply tightens his grip and pulls Kaidan flush against his chest.  
And either the man has grown _very_ strong in the last minutes or Kaidan is terribly weak.  
He can’t get free. So he yields up to his fate and relaxes. Rests his head on a strong shoulder.

“Hey, Major.” The rank flows from Shepard’s lips with an almost intimate touch.

Kaidan closes his eyes and breathes. In and out. And in and out. His brain slowly catching up with the situation, realizing what just had happened between them. What _he_ had done.  
He should be blushing. At least.  
But then again – they are both mature men. And they had just amazing sex. Nothing more. Nothing less.  
“Mmm,” Kaidan murmurs and hears Shepard chuckle. The bastard seems to be far less exhausted than he should be.

Shepard nudges him with his head. “Let’s go to bed. Whereas I appreciate our… actions… on the desk - it’s quite more comfortable down there.”

That sobers Kaidan instantly, rouses him from his semiconsciousness.  
 _Just curious_ , echoes in his mind. “You don’t want me to leave?” He hates the sudden shakiness of his voice.

“No,” Shepard simply answers. He pushes the biotic onto his feet and stands up on his own, never letting go of Kaidan’s completely in doing so, turning him with gentle force till they are facing each other, smiling almost… _shy?_

Kaidan stares. That look on Shepard’s face is fairly new. Uncommon. Impossible.  
And the implication… No. Impossible!

Shepard comes closer, his lips slowly drifting towards Kaidan’s.

_No!_

“Shepard. We… I don’t…” Kaidan stammers and feels utterly awkward by doing so.

Shepard sighs. “I know,” he says and closes the gap.

The kiss is slow and languid. Soft lips touching and just _feeling_ , eventually parting, on their own accord or following the lead. It’s hard to say. Doesn’t matter.  
One tongue against the other, tasting and sliding and grazing over teeth and lips and geting together again.  
Breath mingles. Fingers stroke in soft circles, gently without pressure or need.

Kaidan sighs in Shepard’s mouth and knows he is lost.

Opening his eyes which had closed with a will of their own he meets the other man’s gaze.  
They are still kissing.

It’s all Kaidan had ever imagined. And even more. So much more.  
He feels like screaming and running away. _Kissing Shepard would destroy him._ He had known it. Should fight the situation. Leave.  
But he just can’t make himself to do it, his oh-so-cherished composure completely washed away by the overwhelming tide which is the man he has held – first - in his mind for such a long time and – now - even in his arms.

Looking into Shepard’s deep blue eyes, Kaidan sees something… different. Something new. Or hidden, so far.  
Something that fills him with sudden fear and incredible joy.

Perhaps it is _not_ impossible. Perhaps…

Kaidan breaks the kiss, hesitantly.  
“So… you really don’t want me to leave?” he asks.

Shepard snorts and laughs and gasps and swallows – nearly all at once. “Gonna be stubborn again, Major?”

“Not at all, Commander.”

“Alright. So. Beds down there.”

“Your curiosity isn’t satisfied yet?” Kaidan can’t help himself but asking, still wary, still afraid of losing something he has never had at all, and is blindsided by Shepard’s “Never!” The Commander sounds… final. The - _don’t you dare to object_ – lurking in the undertone.

Kaidan smiles. Smiles even brighter when the other man returns the gesture with unknown honesty.

Shepard actually clears his throat. “I’d love to have you in my bed. I. Really. But not only to fuck. But to. Uh, you know. We can also stay here. If you’d prefer. Do some kissing. Or… Whatever.”

„John?“ For the first time Kaidan uses Shepard’s given name and it feels _good_.

“Yes, Kaidan?”

“Shut up.”

“Pushy.”

“Always want to have the final say, huh?”

„You bet.“

„So we’ll have to find something else to…” Kaidan leers, mirroring the grin Shepard likes to display. “… occupy your mouth.”

Shepard takes a deep breath, the apposite answer clearly waiting on the tip of his tongue.  
But Kaidan doesn’t give him a chance to speak.

They are kissing again.

And, eventually they will go to bed. Not to sleep together but to _sleep_ together.

And when Shepard will awake in the middle of the night, he’ll kiss Kaidan’s forehead and whisper words he had never said before. Never _felt_ before. Never dared to voice when the biotic can hear him.  
But perhaps…

Nothing’s impossible.


End file.
